Work can be stressful, keeping up with friends can be a task and taking a few moments to relax can be fleeting.
Young Gay Men Talk About the Dangers of Having to Hide Your Dating Life - VICE
So why is it that gay men make dating so much harder than it needs to be? Gay men are — for the most part — a great group of people. Of course we have a few bad apples every group does but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice.
Why then are we so terrible to each other when it comes to finding a mate? Time and time again I hear horror stories of bad first dates, ghosting and people telling flat out lies to first daters. I have had many, many, many first dates in the past year and a half but very few second dates. Here are some of the reasons I have received for not being asked on a second date:. This is a personal favorite of mine. For the past year or dating, I have made the conscious effort to NOT state what it is I am looking for upon meeting someone in person or online. I am very happy to remain single.
I have a wonderful career, great friends and an amazing family that keep me pretty busy. Should an awesome guy enter the equation — great. But a partner is neither going to define who I am or make or break my future.
If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable. I am happy to have fun, meet new friends or go on dates in the hopes that it turns into a relationship. If not, then why go on a date in the first place? There are an endless amounts of ways for gay men to get their dick sucked in large metropolitan areas: This seems a pretty fair assessment to me. You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find.
This excuse for not meeting again is the oldest and lamest of them all. We are all busy at work, and honestly, I would expect nothing less from the person I am dating. I love a man with drive. Again, I am calling bullshit on this excuse. We all have jobs and lives: If you are not in a position to date someone right now, you should not be going on dates. Unless you plan to date a newborn baby, we all have baggage. We all have pasts and sometimes the things that have happened to us in the past can be very traumatic.
I have found that most strong-willed people can take that baggage and turn it into a positive, therefore making themselves a better person in the process. We all have exes. We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others. But asking questions and being honest usually does the trick.
It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Because if you are going on an initial date: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again. If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there.
It happens. For example, a grown ass man recently took me out on a date and told me via text and in person multiple times that he was looking for that someone special. Upon being called out, he proceeded to block me on all forms of social media.
My biggest pet peeve in life especially in our current political climate is having someone say something to me and then pretend it never happened. There are boundless ways for us to communicate, which should make it very simple for these misunderstandings to never happen in the first place. The only person this really hurts in the long run is the person who does the ghosting.
I understand that we are attached to our devices at all times nowadays and correspondence can oftentimes seem meaningless. However, there are actual real-life people on the other end of those screens and those people have these pesky little things called: When you continuously disappear to get out of telling someone you are not interested or out of any problem in life for that matter, you are not actually dealing with anything at all.see url
What I Learned From Dating Older Gay Men
It may be easy to vanish from thin air, but trust me, the ghosts of your past have ways of coming back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from them. The only applicable excuse for not seeing someone on a second date or breaking things off with them is this:. See how easy that is? No one is perfect. Older men are getting more popular nowadays, whether in the gay or straight world.
But, because your new flame has more life experience and social standing than you, he may be set in his ways and not be the easiest person to get along with. Just say: You need to realize that their life might be totally consumed by work or by caring for aging parents. Anyway, there may be many complex reasons for someone to not have a beau. So why ask?
When out with your new friend, it might be acceptable to reply to messages that appear on Line or Whatsapp. But make it quick! And responding to business or family-related posts is fine, of course, but skip those chats with friends. This is discrimination.
Everyone gets old and no one wants to be excluded just because of age.